The need to control your negative thoughts and feelings as a people manager

I have to be honest — this post comes from a place of personal experience, not from reading a management textbook. Over the years managing teams in Singapore and now in the US, I have had days where I walked into the office carrying stress from a difficult client, a budget cut, or just life in general. And every single time, I could feel the room shift. People got quieter. Fewer questions. More cautious emails. It took me embarrassingly long to connect the dots.

Your team takes cues from you. If you are angry or agitated, they notice — and they start worrying about what is going on. The more upset you are, the more everyone walks on eggshells. They become hesitant to ask questions or push back, out of fear of making things worse. I think most managers do not realize how much their mood leaks, even when they think they are hiding it well.

Think back to when you were junior. How did your manager's bad mood affect you? I remember vividly — there was a period in my early career in advertising where my boss would come in visibly frustrated, and the entire team would just... shut down. We spent more energy reading his mood than doing actual work. I promised myself I would not be that manager. Spoiler: I have been that manager more times than I care to admit T.T

The data backs this up

There are studies from the past few decades suggesting that work climate has a direct impact on team performance and company financial results, as noted in "Managers who lead: a handbook for improving health services."

Here is the number that stuck with me: when job satisfaction goes down by 1%, the financial results of the company go down by 2.5%. That is a steep multiplier. So it literally pays to be aware of your emotions and do something about them when they are running hot.

What has helped me

I have a few things that work for me, though I should caveat that I am still very much a student in this area:

Meditation and mindfulness. I started with guided meditation apps a few years ago, mostly out of curiosity. I was skeptical at first (the whole "clear your mind" thing felt a bit abstract), but over time it helped me notice when my thoughts were spiraling before they hijacked my behavior. Even five minutes in the morning makes a difference for me. Your mileage may vary :)

Dealing with the root cause. This sounds obvious, but I think a lot of us (myself included) tend to sit with stress instead of addressing it. If I am stressed about a project, I try to talk to my manager about it — even if the conversation is uncomfortable. If I am worried about a team member's performance, I schedule a one-on-one rather than letting it fester. The anxiety of avoidance is almost always worse than the actual conversation.

Physical separation. When I catch myself in a bad headspace before a team meeting, I take a walk. Even just around the block. In Singapore, it would be a walk to the hawker center for a kopi. Here in the Bay Area, it is usually a loop around the neighborhood. It sounds simple, but physically moving resets something in my brain.

Being transparent (selectively). I have found that saying something like "Hey, I am having a rough morning — it has nothing to do with you or the work" goes a long way. It does not make you look weak. If anything, I think it builds trust because your team is not left guessing.

The bottom line

Negative thoughts and feelings are completely normal — we are human. But as a manager, I think you owe it to your team to at least be aware of how your emotions affect the people around you. It ties directly into something I wrote about in why behaving well is the first step to leadership — and into showing your team that you care. You do not need to be a Zen master. You just need to care enough to notice when your bad day is becoming everyone's bad day.

I am still working on this, honestly. Some weeks are better than others.

Has your manager's mood ever affected how you worked? Or if you are a manager, what do you do to keep your emotions in check?

Cheers,

Chandler