Expat Life in the US: How to Stay Close with Loved Ones Back Home

There's this moment that hits most expats at some point — usually on a random weekday evening, when you're sitting in your apartment and it suddenly dawns on you that everyone you grew up with is asleep on the other side of the world. After 15+ years in Singapore and now living in the Bay Area, I've done the long-distance family thing for a while. But moving to the US added a whole new level of distance from my family in Vietnam.

I won't pretend I've got this perfectly figured out, but I've learned a few things about maintaining relationships across time zones that I think might help if you're going through the same thing.

The time zone challenge is real

Between California and Vietnam, there's roughly a 15-hour time difference. Singapore is about the same. That means when I'm having my morning coffee, my family is getting ready for bed. When Sophie has something exciting to share after school, it's the middle of the night back home. You learn to get creative with timing :P

Technology is your best friend (but how you use it matters)

The tools are obvious — FaceTime, WhatsApp, Zoom. What actually makes the difference is building specific habits around them rather than just having the apps installed:

• Shared photo albums — We keep a shared Google Photos album that my mom checks daily. Whenever Sophie does something at school or I cook something that reminds me of home, I drop a photo in. My mom does the same from Vietnam. It is not a conversation, but it creates a continuous thread of each other's lives that makes the weekly video call feel less like catching up and more like continuing.
• Voice messages over text — My family switched from texting to WhatsApp voice messages for most communication. Hearing someone's tone and laughter carries so much more than typed words. Sophie sends her grandmother voice messages in Vietnamese, and my mom plays them on repeat.
• Ambient sharing — I leave a video call running on the kitchen counter sometimes while cooking dinner, and my mom does the same. Nobody is "talking" — we are just existing in each other's space for a bit. It sounds weird, but it works.

Set a regular schedule

This was a game-changer for me. Instead of sporadic calls whenever we both happen to be free (which barely ever lined up), we set a fixed weekly time for video calls. It creates a rhythm and takes the guesswork out of "when should I call?"

For us, weekends work best — Saturday morning California time is Saturday evening in Vietnam. It's become something everyone looks forward to.

Share your life proactively

I think one of the things that causes distance to grow isn't just physical separation — it's the growing gap in shared experiences. When you're 8,000 miles away, your family doesn't see your daily life, and you don't see theirs.

So I make an effort to share things — photos of Sophie's school activities, what our neighborhood looks like in different seasons, even just what I made for dinner. It sounds small, but it helps loved ones feel connected to your life here. And I ask them to do the same.

Plan visits intentionally

Nothing replaces being in the same room. I try to plan trips back to Vietnam, and when possible, invite family to visit us in California. Showing my mom around the Bay Area, taking her to the farmers market in Foster City — those visits create memories that sustain the relationship between calls.

I know visits can be expensive and time-consuming, and not everyone can do them frequently. But even one visit a year can make a huge difference.

Send things, not just messages

Care packages go both ways and they matter more than you might think. My mom sends us dried goods and snacks from Vietnam that we cannot find here. We send back American treats and things for Sophie's cousins.

For day-to-day, Weee! delivers Asian groceries in the US and I have used it to send specific items to family friends who just relocated. If your family back home is in Southeast Asia, you can surprise them with a food delivery through Grab or Foodpanda — ordering lunch for your mom from 8,000 miles away is a small thing that hits different. Celebrating holidays together over video call also helps bridge the gap.

Find your local community

Expat life can feel isolating, especially in the beginning. Connecting with other people going through similar experiences — other Vietnamese families, other Asian expats, other parents navigating the same challenges — makes a real difference. It doesn't replace your family back home, but it gives you a support network here.

I've found that building friendships with other expats also gives you people who understand the homesickness and the juggling act without you having to explain it :)

Be honest about the hard parts

Some days are harder than others. Missing a family member's birthday because of the time difference, not being there when someone is sick, having Sophie grow up without daily contact with her grandparents — these things weigh on you. I don't think there's a hack for it. You just have to acknowledge the trade-offs and make the most of the time you do have.

From my experience, the key is consistency over intensity. Small, regular touchpoints matter more than one big annual reunion (though those are great too :D).

What's worked for you in staying connected with loved ones back home? I'd really like to hear your approach — I'm always looking for new ideas.

Cheers,

Chandler

P.S. I created a group on Facebook called Asian Expats in the US where we share tips and support each other. Feel free to join.